So as you can see, we all survived the Mayan Apocalypse. This was fortunate because it would have interfered with our plans for Christmas and the New Year, and as you’re about to find out, that would have been a big shame…Or maybe it would have saved us all a lot of trouble. Our group of friends split ways for the Christmas holidays and missed each other so much that we decided to all reconvene in Nashville for New Year’s Day, in what we imagined would be a wondrous and joyful occasion.
I asked Sarah where she wanted to meet for dinner. She informed me that was a dumb question. What else should you eat in the country music capital but BBQ? I chose a location downtown called Rooster’s, and when we walked in, we discovered it was accidentally a WIN. Not only had Man VS Food taped an episode there, but the food was amazing.
As you can see, we probably enjoyed it a little too much.
If Adam Richman went there and pounded down 72 oz. of beef in one sitting, you know it has to be good.
Then we headed downtown to find a cozy bar and settle in for the countdown to the New Year. As we got downtown, we discovered the streets were blocked off and it had turned into a giant block party, with a free concert by the Fray. Another win! As we strolled the streets, no one else saw it…but Sarah’s sixth sense spotted it. LASER TAG. We couldn’t pass that up. We dragged the boys inside, made up ridiculous code names and formed our strategic alliances. This was apparently not enough. After being tagged hundreds of times in a fifteen minute game, our dreams of being Sydney Bristow and joining the CIA slowly faded and we discovered a new thankfulness for our day jobs.
I should have known the night was going much too well, because this is when our luck started to turn. The rain began. We slowly started to freeze. We found a dueling piano establishment and got in the line and waited…and waited…and waited. After about an hour, we finally reached the door! Or so we thought. Our long wait was all for nothing, because we were in line for a bar called Paradise Park Trailer Resort. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about this place then I can’t help you. We were so cold at this point that we went inside anyway. This was another mistake. It wouldn’t be our last.
It is an established fact that I have road rage. I admit it, it is a flaw of my personality, and I do my best to manage it. However, I was not prepared for the realization that road rage can occur on foot. As soon as we walked in, we could see how crowded it was. I led the group inside and then stood still for a moment, trying to scout the bar and find a place to sit. As I stood there, I failed to see the tall slightly plastered female headed my way like a bulldozer. She slammed square into me, knocked me back several feet, and if it hadn’t been for one of the boys catching me, I would have ended up landing in the slightly questionable materials on the Paradise Park Trailer Resort Floor. She kept going, not a glance or a word in my direction. My blood boiled. My road rage flared. It wasn’t my finger that came up this time. It was my arm. I am not proud of this…but it happened. I straight armed her right into the wall.
I was behind Chrissy at this time. I saw her face when the woman slammed into her. I saw her jaw drop and the arm go out. I watched as the blond fell forward. Her friend reached out to hold her back from trying to beat up Chrissy. My first instinct was to run….or get out my pepper spray and take the entire place down.
Instead I just kept walking. Walking into a mass of people with Chrissy leading the way. As the first in our party, it made sense she was also the person the next girl tripped over. As the next woman turned around to yell at Chrissy for having the audacity to have a foot, her boyfriend came up behind them. Chrissy was gently responding to the girl, so she missed the man point to his eyes, then point at Chrissy. After he made it clear he would be watching Chrissy he started to yell at his girlfriend. Who was yelling at Chrissy. All for having a foot that she dared put on the floor to be tripped over. I was just trying not to get crushed in a honky tonk.
We escaped the large group and made our way to an open area. It smelled. There was a girl kissing a wall she must have mistaken for a man. It wasn’t even midnight yet. We left.
After leaving we went straight for the dueling pianos. There was no line. Awesome. Getting up there we were told there was a twenty-five dollar cover. We left.
Going to the streets of Nashville we walked in the freezing rain. The Fray played their free concert in the background. Fifteen minutes to midnight. We pushed our way to the front of the crowd. Five minutes. We huddled together for warmth. MIDNIGHT!
WE COULD GO BACK TO THE HOTEL NOW! We are too old for this crap.